Dieary of a madman
by Circus
Summary: My first, and last fic. I just got compelled to do it. As he writes in his die-ary,Johnny reflects on his past actions to 'Diary of a Lovesong' by APC.(some language)


Well, this is probably the first, and last fic I shall write, I mainly only have this account so I can make signed reviews, but I found a mix I made about a year ago, that I had completely forgotten about. A song on it really pestered me to make a little song fic about JtHM, so I will. I'm basically going to go back and forth with just describing panels from the books, because I don't want to take this OOC, yet the first 'scene' is made up, but what I'd imagine could be a possible happening after the Devi incident..it just wasn't in #2 haha. And I'm very very very sorry if someone did this allready, I hope mine is not like yours, and if it is, I appologize, I've read lots of these fics, and I honestly don't remember one of this nature. ^_^  
  
Disclaimer: Jhonen owns all things JtHM, so the characters and all of it in general. The song is by A Perfect Circle, its called 'Diary of a Lovesong', a mix of two songs. 'Diary of a Madman' originally by Ozzy and 'Lovesong' by The Cure. Enjoy.  
  
Staring out the window at the nightsky, Johnny sighed. It was so beautiful out, and the stars seemed especially bright that night, shining through the night's muddy black blanket, like someone got a pin and poked holes in it. He thought, maybe they were so bright, as a sign, that maybe, he had a chance.   
  
'Screaming at the window   
  
Watch me die another day   
  
Hopeless situation  
  
Endless price I'll have to pay '  
  
What went through his head..when he pulled a knife on her? A knife, on someone that makes him happy? But, he was right in a way..it would all end, one day, and that he could not stand.   
  
'Diary of a madman  
  
Walk the line again today   
  
Entries of confusion'   
  
Better to end it when he did..but he missed her so much...But was it worth that tingly feeling that went from his head to his toes...worth that feeling only she could give him? He sighed again, much deeper then the first time. Nailbunny was no where to be found, and the Doughboys were lying dormant for once, so he took the opportunity to take out his Die-ary.  
  
'Dear diary, I'm here to stay. '  
  
He thought, he'd always be un-happy. He wasn't ment for anything more, sometimes he thought his only purpose was to be miserable, to always somehow get screwed over, day in and day out, infact, he was convinced. He could not have her, he was not worth her time.  
  
'Sanity now and beyond me   
  
I will always love you.   
  
However long I stay   
  
I will always love you.   
  
Whatever words I say   
  
I will always love you. '  
  
He couldn't have her, but he wanted her. Always, he'd remember, when she had told him that they could both be happy. They really could of? No. Not him. Just a fantasy. But he couldn't even fantasize anymore. He musn't let his feelings get to him, because he can not, by no means, act on them. He must get rid of them.  
  
'There's no choice. '  
  
He sat there, and contrary to what he just told himself to do, he thought about her. He thought about that night, that one perfect night, that he ruined. He felt so hopeless, so attatched so someone who hated him...yet he couldn't stop thinking of her, and being with her..  
  
'Whenever I'm alone with you   
  
You make me feel like I'm hopeless'  
  
They were about to kiss, "Let's both be happy" she said. And then something clicked. "YES! YES! HAPPINESS! I'M HAPPY!" "Nny, where are you going?!" Its not going to work he thought. I have to get out. Must get out...then he heard them. Mr. Fuck spoke first "Happinesss? Beautiful happinessss. Ahhhhh, yesss, so RARE. So lovely like the beautiful stars and the dreaming moon.....A rapturous alien sky after the opressive shit-smear of clouds has broken; true pleazzure. Ssmile and FEEL it!!"  
  
'Voices in the darkness   
  
Scream away my mental health'   
  
"Mr.Fuck lies Johnny! No love,no happiness, no moon!! Nothing for you!! I speak only the truth, untainted knowledge! Listen to m..." "Shut the fuck up Psycho Doughboy!! I'm in no mood for a depression!!" Johnny screamed. Then, Mr.Eff piped in again, " YESSSSSSSSSS!! Go Nny! Don't let the beautiful moon set!!! Capture it! Freeze it ! Forever in time with never the memory of losing it to another day!!" It clicked in Johnny's head, and he believed what they told him, just like the other times.  
  
'Can I ask a question '  
  
"Nny? Oh, there you...are. Nny? Nny, what are you doing?  
  
'To help me save me from myself?'   
  
He stared at her, his knives drawn, ready to strike her, and take her life. "Immortalizing the moment"  
  
'Sanity now and beyond me   
  
I will always love you.   
  
However long I stay   
  
I will always love you. '  
  
"No! You don't understand; I'm happy! I can't let you go, we've begun something lovely...." He began to explain to her, about how, since it started so beautifully, it must be stopped before it decays...he went on with his crazy rant...  
  
'Whatever words I say   
  
I will always love you.   
  
There's no choice.'   
  
She beat him brutally, kicking him in the face in her own defense. Punching him, pulling at his hair, and smashing his head against his own mirror..then she ran, and she never came back. He didn't expect her to.  
  
'I will always love you.  
  
I will always love you  
  
I will always love you  
  
I will always love you  
  
I will always love you  
  
I will always love you  
  
I will always love you'  
  
He thought so fondly of her....  
  
'Whenever I'm alone with you   
  
You make me feel like I'm whole again   
  
Whenever I'm alone with you   
  
You make me feel like I'm whole again'   
  
"I like you, I enjoy our talks, when you come to visit me at the bookstore. I like you for all the reasons people ask a person out for." She had told him  
  
'I will always love you '  
  
Then she had tried to kiss him, one of the most intimate things he thought two people could do. Then he pulled the knives on her, and he's decided...He wanted her, and he could not have her, it was either kill her, or get rid of his emotion of love, he chose the second, though the first would've been easy, for he is a madman.  
  
'There's no choice '  
  
End. 


End file.
